• One Way Street

    What I write today is dedicated to a special person in my life. The one, the only.. thus far. The one I have truly loved, and now continue to with increased fervour, as I found out today. She’s the woman of my dreams, my ticket to the divine, the absolute. The untouchable one. So close, yet out of reach. Never too far away, never too close. In a state of constant departure while always arriving. I cannot live without her presence, albeit as a memory. And I doubt I would be able to function with her presence, but that must be treated as out of question. No she does not want my ring, no she isn’t keen on tying me a rakhi. A friend with a special connection is her preferred way of being, but the suspense drives me insane. I wonder if I can truly love anybody else, while she is still a possibility, a distant but achieveable possibility. Yet again she has me under her spell, just where she wants me — at arm’s length.

    This too is a lesson for me, from life.. can I hope without expectation? Can I love without condition? Can I relinquish my hold, my desire of the most precious, desirable person I have ever come across, while still continuing to cherish her presence. Can I be detatched to the person I feel most attachment towards? Can I control my tempestous mind, my instinct, my masculine nature; can I overcome my need for success, achievement, closure? Can I be content with second best, in seemingly the most important race? Can I love, cherish, appreciate true beauty from a distance, as I have often preached? Can I settle for reality and tame my idealism? Can I settle for being a fallible human being, than the supreme master of the universe? Can I leave things to destiny, and let it determine my fate? I wish I didn’t have to, but can I? Will I?

    It would be wrong to say I have never experienced true (romantic) love. They say it’s beautiful, and full of suffering. That it’s full of sacrifices, a constant efort at rising above your past self. I see it now. I have been in it all this while, but I admit, concede, accept it now. Love hurts, but love cleanses, liberates, helps us transcend mundane reality. It is always unconditional, always one sided, and often without return. But to love is love’s greatest reward. To see the loved one happy fills one with boundless joy. And to make her happy, I must love again. Move on.. find someone else.
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